and they all fall down
by IsntSheLovely21
Summary: You're writing your tragedy. These mishaps, your bubble wrap, when, You've no idea what you're like..... This is the fall. This is the aftermath. This is my season three.
1. Feeling A Moment

_Until further notice, Addison's Anatomy, OH, and Boots are hiatus. After the finale so many ideas came to mind. They refuse to go away. I have so many parts of this story outlined. It is my new baby. This is season 3 through my eyes..._

_please read and review. _**  
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**_.1._ **

**Feeling A Moment**

_Feeling the moment slip away  
Losing direction you're losing faith  
You're wishing for someone  
Feeling it all begin to slide  
Am I just like you?  
All the things you do, can't help myself_

_How do you feel when there's no sun?  
And how will you be when rain clouds come?  
They'll pull you down again  
How will you feel when there's no one?  
Am I just like you?_

_Turning to face what you've become  
Buried the ashes of someone  
Broken by the strain  
Trying to fill that space inside  
Am I just like you?  
All the things you do, can't help myself_

_-Feeder_

_**.1.**_

**"Meredith?"**

Meredith looked from Derek to Finn. She looked at Derek morosely. It was her turn to choose. She wasn't sure which way to go. Her head and her heart were at a standstill. She had two good men in front of her. Two good men that were hoping she would choose one and leave the other to wallow in defeat. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know who to choose.

On one hand she had the man she loved. The man who had broke her and left her a dirty mistress. A man that she thought would give her forever to only rip her heart out. On the other hand was a man that understood her. A man who made her laugh. A man who made her smile. A man who was damaged and optimistic. A man who had plans for what would come next. The other man didn't have any of the answers that she so desperately needed, but the other….

"Yeah, I'm ready to go," Meredith finally answered and took Finn's outstretched hand. Finn Dandridge smiled softly at Meredith. He squeezed her hand reassuringly and lead her away from the mess that had been made. Meredith did not look back, no matter how loud a part of her screamed too. The other part was much louder.

**Derek **stared at Meredith and Finn's retreating form hoping for something. He hoped for anything that would give him hope, but Meredith didn't give him anything. She let Finn wrap his arm around her and walked out of the hospital. Derek felt like a thousand ton of bricks had fallen on him. She chose Finn. She did not choose him. The stabbing pain in his heart must have been the pain Meredith felt when Derek chose Addison. It must be the pain Addison feels every time she catches Derek looking at Meredith.

Derek's legs buckled beneath him. He grabbed onto the rail of the balcony to steady himself. It hurt. Everything hurt. He closed his eyes. He wanted to block everything out. He needed to block everything out.

"So this is how it feels when your heart breaks," he muttered to himself and hung his head low in resolve. It was over. She had ended it.

**Izzie** had sobbed in Alex's arms the entire way home. George and Callie had looked on defenseless. Callie felt for the destroyed woman. Izzie had thrown away everything for a man she loved. Callie wondered if she could ever love or be loved in that way. Her eyes traveled to George who was driving. She could tell how affected he was by Izzie's tears. He truly loved his family. Meredith, Izzie, Cristina, and Alex were his family. Callie reached over and took George's hand in hers.

**George** gave her hand a tight squeeze. He appreciated that Callie was there. He wasn't sure if he would be sane if she wasn't.

**Alex** murmured soft words of comfort into Izzie's hair. Izzie held on to him tighter as her tears died away. By the time they had pulled into the drive way of the house, Izzie was silent. Alex had carried her up the stairs to her bedroom.

"Don't!" Izzie pleaded as Alex attempted to put her down. "Please don't let me go. Hold me, please. I just want to be held."

Alex bit his lip. " Can I at least put you down to pull back the covers?"

Izzie nodded. Alex set her down at the edge of the bed. Izzie resembled a grieving child. Her hair was matted. Her eyes red. Her nose runny. She was a wreck.

Alex leaned down to kiss her on the top of her head. He helped her into her bed, before he climbed in after her. Alex wrapped his arms around her waist. Izzie laid her head in the crook of his neck and cried.

"You'll be all right, Izzie. Let it out. Just let it all out."

**Addison** walked out of the elevator in search of Derek. She knew that he would be where she left him. She had watched Meredith Grey walk out with the vet. She had hoped that Meredith would choose Finn. Addison was not an idiot. She knew exactly what had happened. She saw the looks. She heard the gossip. Addison Shepherd was not as ignorant as everyone believed.

Addison found Derek by the stairs with a drink in his hand.

"Are you ready to go home?"

Derek looked at her pathetically.

"I had sex with Meredith," he confessed in a pitiful tone. Addison grimaced at the words. She had expected them to come at some point in time. She had just not expected them so soon.

"I know."

"No, you don't understand. I had sex with Meredith tonight."

"I know, Derek. I knew that you were with her," Addison replied. Addison stepped closer to Derek and removed his keys from his coat pocket. "Come on. Let me take you home."

Derek looked at Addison sadly. "We're even, now. We'll talk about this later. I just want to go home."

Derek nodded and allowed for Addison to take his hand.

**Meredith** and Finn sat in his car outside of her house. She could see George and Callie sitting in the living room from the window. Meredith suddenly found herself envying George and Callie as they laid on the couch together. She wasn't quite sure why.

"I am not going to ask about what happened up there," Finn said, drawing her attention away from her friend and his girlfriend.

"Thank you," Meredith whispered.

The couple slowly got out of the car and walked up to Meredith's front door. They stood in front of the door for a long time.

"I meant what I said. I have plans. I still would very much like for you to be a part of them."

Meredith looked up at Finn surprised. Finn cupped her cheek in his hand.

"Please tell me that you still want to be a part of them."

Meredith gazed at Finn wide eyed. With all the courage she could muster, Meredith pressed her lips to Finns. "Yes."

Finn smiled and retrieved a box from behind him. "Good, because I would hated if the last piece of cheesecake had gone to waste. I snagged it from the dessert table for you."

Meredith's heart melted.


	2. Beg

**thank you all who have read and review...**

**Kendel, that is so fetch. muahahaha**

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.2.**

**Beg **

_My feathered carriage waits  
for me in your longing wake  
Deliver me from my heart's ache_

_And when my silver moon  
shall turn to a softer blue  
perhaps I will have rescued you_

_I beg the sky...I beg the moon_  
_ May I become your wings_  
_ May I become your wings_

_-Lisbeth Scott _

**Cristina** awoke the next morning with dried eyes and a hand on her head. She had fallen asleep at Burke's bedside, his fingers combing through her hair.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and kissed him on the forehead. Cristina straightened herself up and walked out of the room. She needed to get her act together before she was the one that fell.

**Derek** glanced at the back of the trailer from the corner of his eye. He picked up the bourbon and poured it in his coffee cup. Derek took a long drink. He gulped half the cup down before refilling it.

"I have an early surgery!" Derek called out. He picked up his bag, keys, and bourbon filled travel cup and walked out the door.

**Addison **stepped into the tiny kitchen and picked up the empty coffee pot. Who was Derek fooling? No coffee had been made. Addison reached up and opened the liquor cabinet. The scotch was almost empty and the bourbon bottle was missing.

"Derek, what are you doing to yourself?"  
Addison slammed the cabinet shut and went back into the bedroom.

"Adele, it's Addison. Can you meet me for breakfast?"

Addison hung up the phone. She sat down on the bed and held her head in her hands.

**Alex** woke up alone. He was confused. Where did Izzie go?

"What are you doing here?" Izzie asked breezing back into her room. Her blonde hair was pulled into a wet bun on the top of her head. She was dressed in scrubs.

Alex quirked a brow at her.

"Izzie, are you- -."

"It's 7:30. We're going to be late. I want to stop in to see Denny before our shift."

"Izzie," Alex began. he moved off the bed. Izzie smiled at him.

"You can borrow some scrubs from George. Come on. I baked some muffins for Denny." Izzie turned and bounced from the room.

"Izzie!"

**"What's going on?" **George asked peeking his head out of his bedroom door. Callie's head appeared behind George's.

Meredith walked out of the bathroom, pulling her hair into a ponytail.

"Hurry up, guy!" Izzie called from downstairs.

"She won't listen. She's in denial. It's like she has blocked out last night."

"I'm driving!" Izzie shouted up. "I don't want Denny's muffins to get cold."

"Oh god, she really doesn't remember," Callie said.

"I wish I had that," Meredith muttered under her breathe.

"What do we do?" George asked.

" I don't know, but I'm taking Izzie to the hospital," Alex answered.

"Alex!" George and Meredith hissed in horror of the idea.

"Look, Izzie is blocking everything out. She is not going to listen to a word we say! I don't want her driving if it hits her on the road," Alex reasoned. He stormed down the hall and down the stairs with Meredith behind him.

**Callie**, George and Meredith looked at each other nervously. Ever since they piled into the car, ALL Izzie could talk about was Denny.

"I cannot believe I am getting married! Me married!" Izzie squealed. " Denny is everything I have ever dreamed of. He's smart. He's caring. Did you know that he is a marine biologist? I love him! I love him so much."

"You don't say," Meredith replied.

Alex tensed. He rolled out his shoulders. This was killing him.

"Should we have a winter or summer wedding? Fall weddings are always nice. I once modeled wedding gowns. I wonder if I can call my old agent and find out the designer's name. I once modeled this beautiful lace sheath gown. It would be perfect! How do you guys feel about the color coral or peach? Or lilac? A periwinkle would be lovely too. I have to call my cousin Katie. This is going to be great guys. I cannot wait to tell Denny!" Izzie gushed.

"I think periwinkle would be a beautiful color, Izzie," Callie remarked.

Meredith and George shot her a look. She shrugged.

"Thanks Callie!" Izzie grinned and continued to babble on.

"What was that?" George mumbled in her ear.

"I don't want to crush her. The impact is going to hard when she remembers," Callie whispered.

George and Meredith sighed. Izzie was going to shatter all over again and there was nothing they could do about it.

**Addison **tapped her nails on the glass café table on the hospital patio. Adele had offered to bring coffee and croissants for breakfast. Apparently croissants were Camille's favorite. Adele had been baking them when Addison called. Addison was not going to pass up fresh baked goods. Nope, definitely not after the night she had, had. Addison had spent the night watching her husband drink. He had thought she was sleeping. No, Addison was laying in the dark watching Derek nurse glasses of scotch. She was relieved that her husband could hold his liquor or he would be a terrible mess. But her husband was a terrible mess.

"How are you doing, Addison?" Adele asked, pulling Addison from her thoughts.

Addison sighed.

"That bad?"

"My husband is about to drown. And I don't think there is anything I could do for him."

"Scotch?"

"Scotch, bourbon…Adele, what do I do?"

"You let him crash and burn, Addison."

**Those** in the halls turned to stare at Isobel Stevens as she practically skipped down the hallway. The look on her face and her friends' faces told the observers that Izzie had no recollection of the night before. Perhaps that was a blessing in disguise. Izzie greeted all she passed with a giant grin.

"Stevens!" Bailey gasped at the sight of the happy blond.

"Dr. Bailey, I'm getting married!" Izzie announced.

"Izzie--" Bailey began.

"Dr. Bailey! Can I talk to you over here for a minute," Callie interrupted.

Miranda nodded, her eyes never leaving Izzie.

"She doesn't remember ANYTHING," Callie confided.

"Nothing? She doesn't remember anything?" Bailey inquired. Callie shook her head.

"Oh, Izzie.."

**Derek **yawned and poured himself another cup of coffee. He had not slept the night before. He was too numbed to sleep. All he could think about was the feel of Meredith's skin and her walking out with Finn. Derek downed another cup of coffee.

He had drowned his sorrows in drinks all night. Addison had watched him. He had spent months looking down on her. Then he went and cheated on her with Meredith, again. He wasn't sorry though. No, Derek was not sorry for loving Meredith and choosing Addison.

God, he was a bastard.

Derek poured himself another cup. So far he had performed one surgery. He needed to do his rounds, check on Burke, drink more coffee and perform another surgery. Avoiding Meredith Grey was on top of his to do list. It was at that thought, he saw Meredith pass by from the corner of his eye. He suddenly felt the craving for something mixed with his coffee. He wondered where Debbie kept the Bailey's Irish Crème.

"**Where's Denny?"** Izzie demanded in the middle of the empty hospital room. The maniacal gleam returned to her eye. "Where is Denny?" Izzie repeated.

No one answered her. Her friends all turned their eyes to the floor.

"Is he in surgery? Is he in surgery and no one told me? I am his fiancée! I should be told these things," Izzie rambled. She moved to walk out when the Chief stepped in.

"Dr. Stevens--"

"Oh, no. Something happened. Where's Denny? Is he all right? Is he okay? You have to take me to him. He needs me. I want to be there when he wakes up," Izzie continued.

"Izzie," Bailey started, moving towards the blond. Izzie shook her head furiously. "Denny's gone, honey."

"Gone?" Izzie whispered. Tears pricked at her eyes. "What do you mean gone?"

Bailey stepped closer to Izzie. She took Izzie's hands in hers.

"Izzie, Denny died. He died last night. Honey, Denny had a stroke."

"No! NO! You're lying! You just don't want us together! But we don't care about the rules, Dr. Bailey! We love each other! We're getting married!"

Bailey shook her head. Izzie looked to her friends in search of some hope. They didn't look at her. Fear crept up Izzie's spine.

"No. No.. No. NO!" Izzie shrieked. She shoved past Bailey, the chief, and Alex. Izzie took off with the sound of her friends calling out her name.

**"IZZIE! IZZIE"**

Addison and Adele heard being shouted as Izzie passed them by. Addison rose from her chair and hurried after the distraught woman. Izzie and Addison may have had a rocky relationship, but Addison Shepherd cared a great deal for her protégé. Addison caught up with Izzie at the end of the path. Izzie was hunched over sobbing. Addison wrapped her arms around the young woman. Izzie allowed Addison to hug her. She leaned into the embrace.

"He's gone. He's gone," Izzie cried over and over again. Addison leaned her head on Izzie and rubbed her back.

"I know, Izzie. I know." Addison could not think of anything else to say.


	3. Collide

**my plan is to update once a week, much like the show. I will more than likely end up drawing this out until the actual season three.**

**I want to thank all of you for reading and reviewing. Please continue to do so.  
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**Also, thanks to the fetching Kendel, for channeling her inner Callie. (heart you)**

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**Collide **

_Even the best fall down sometimes  
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme  
Out of the doubt that fills my mind  
I somehow find, you and I collide_

_-Howie Day _

**"Was that necessary?" **Meredith asked. Izzie had lost it. It wasn't until she had cried herself numb that Addison, Chief and Bailey were able to control her. Chief had admitted Izzie with orders to sedate her. Izzie was now sleeping "peacefully."

"Yes, it was. When she is stable I will talk to her. I believe that it will be best if one of you takes a couple of days to stay with her," the Chief answered.

" I will," Meredith volunteered. The last place Meredith wanted to be was the hospital, especially with Derek and Derek's wife around. Meredith could feel Addison's eyes on her. She felt ill.

"We'll arrange everything. Karev, O'Malley, you may have to pick up an extra shift. I'll get another intern on board. Ackles has an intern I like. I'll steal Nessen from him," Bailey said. Alex and George nodded. "I need you all to start rounds. Dr. Shepherd, you are taking Izzie as your patient?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

"**Grey**, You'll be with me today. Karev, you're with Shepherd. O'Malley, I want you to do rounds on Burke's patients before I hand you over to Montgomery- Shepherd. Where's Yang?" Bailey inquired after handing out assignments. "O'Malley, tell her to see me after you are done with Burke."

**The **interns dispersed. George stopped by Callie's before his rounds.

"Hey, I wanted to thank you for this morning," he said.

"She's your family. It's the least I could do," Callie replied.

George pecked Callie on the cheek and smiled.

"Have lunch with me today?"

"Sure.

"**O'Malley!" **Burke grinned. "Finally, someone I wouldn't mind talking to. Have you seen Cristina?"

George shook his head. "I thought she was with you."

Burke's grin wavered. "Perhaps she went home to shower and change," George suggested. Burke nodded before engaging George in a discussion of their patients.

**Cristina **sat on the floor of the shower. She knew she was late. She really didn't care. She was a wreck. She closed her eyes and let the sobs take over. If she was going to break down she would break down in quiet. She needed to be strong for Burke and for herself. Like all great surgeons, she would cry on her time.

**Meredith** was proud of herself. She had successfully avoided Derek. _Derek_. It hurt to think about him. In fact, everything hurt her, but she did not regret walking away from Derek. Okay, so maybe she did it a little a bit, not enough though. Meredith had seen the look in Addison's eyes. It was similar to that of her own.

Finn was better though. Finn did not have a wife. Finn had plans. Finn had saved the last slice of cheesecake for her. Finn had offered to come over to cook for Meredith and her friends. Finn was an amazing guy. She could love Finn. Finn had plans.

Meredith sighed and laid her head against the wall. She was so damaged. She opened her eyes when the elevator opened.

_Damn it. _Derek Shepherd stepped into the elevator. Meredith closed her eyes again. She was going to ignore him and the reminiscence of his cologne. Finn smelled better, she told herself.

Derek stood straight. He kept his eyes on the door. Too bad their images were reflected back.

Both looked up when the door opened.

Dr. Callie Torres stepped on to the elevator between the two former lovers. She could not mask her disgust of the two. Derek bailed out before the doors closed. Callie and Meredith exchanged glances. Callie reached over and stopped the elevator.

Meredith looked at her oddly. "Callie-"

"Shut up, Meredith. And for the record, I'm not going to sugarcoat this just so you can feel like the wronged party here. I don't like you, Meredith. I get that you've had one crappy year, but I really don't care. I don't like you. What you did, it disgusts me. And not just what you've done with Mc Dreamy, but what you did to George. But it's not my place to judge you. I love George, and for some misguided reason that I can't even begin to understand, George loves you. You are his family. And _because_ I love George, I'll keep my mouth shut. For George. And for Montgomery-Shepherd. But not for _Mc Dreamy_, and definitely not for _you_." Callie slammed her fist against the lever, restarting the elevator, "But unless you want this _entire_ thing to explode in your face, I would tell your _lover_ that he needs to come clean with his wife. And then _you_ need to tell George, 'cause I'm _not _going to let you break him again. He all ready has enough to deal with. Izzie is in pieces and his best friend was shot. He doesn't need your pathetic drama added to it." With that said, Callie got off the elevator, leaving Meredith to herself.

**"We **have honey teriyaki chicken with ripe pineapple spears and black and white rice balls," George announced placing a plate in front of Burke.

"George, have I told you lately that I love you?" Burke replied.

"No, sir, but I don't think Cristina or Callie would take that well."

Burke chuckled. "Thank you, George. I needed that. And this." Burke savored his chicken.

"So, you and Dr. Torres…" Burke inquired. George smiled at his friend.

"Me and Dr. Torres…"

"Dr. Torres!" Burke greeted loudly. Callie smiled and entered the room.

"Dr. Burke, you are looking well."

"Thank you, Dr. Torres. Please call me, Preston. After all, you are dating my best friend."

"Preston," Callie repeated. She turned to look at George. "Lunch?"

"We are having lunch in. Lunch with Preston," George said, he stepped aside to revel a set up at the couch across from the bed.

The meal in front of her looked delicious.

"It's a favorite of mine and Burke's."

"It looks delicious."

"Sit! Sit!" Burke instructed. " So Callie, tell me about yourself…."

**Cristina** was relieved that her lunch break had finally arrived. She returned to the locker room to pick up the bag of stuff she had brought for Burke. From outside his door, she could hear the laughter of George, Burke, and Callie. She found herself slightly put off by it. She chose to shrug it off and pushed open the door.

"Cristina."

Cristina suddenly felt very awkward, a trait not normal in woman.

"Come, join us. George brought take out from Morimoto's," Preston encouraged. He scooted over so she could sit in the bed with him.

"IT smells great. I brought you some stuff from home," Cristina replied. She sat the bag down and unloaded the contents. She piled a few cds, two picture frames, a bible, an I pod, and an I pod doc on his bed side table. " I also called your mother. She and your brother will be flying out Thursday. Your Aunt Sicily will be watching the restaurant."

"You called my mother?" Burke repeated.

"Well, she called and I talked to her. She was concerned that you didn't call her on Sunday."

Burke smiled. "Perfect. You will finally meet my mother."

Cristina managed a pathetic excuse of a smile. Lunch was not going to be finished fast enough.

"**His mother is coming**," Cristina said to Meredith as they walked down the hall to check on Izzie.

"I did a terrible thing."

"I've been avoiding Burke."

"I slept with Derek."

"You win this time."

"I wish I didn't"

Cristina sighed. She grabbed Meredith by the arm and pulled her into the nearest stairwell.

"I am only going to say this once. GET OVER IT. Mere, you were into the vet before mc dreamy started with the eyes again. There are bigger things than you and Shepherd. Burke may never operate again. Izzie may never be Izzie again. Your problems are nothing compared to others. You're 30 years old. Get over it." Cristina pushed past Meredith and stomped out the door. Cristina was right. Her problems were minuscule compared to the ocean those around her were drowning in.


	4. Somebody Take The Pain Away

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_**Somebody Take the Pain Away**_

_Keep runnin' in and out my life  
Taking the wrongs and trying to make 'em right, right  
You're too pathetic for my love, oh, oh  
You played your games and boy I had enough of you  
Messing with my head  
All the things you said  
Running back to me  
Selling me your dream  
I never wanted it to be this way  
The pain is killing me  
Gotta set you free...

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**Addison** crept into Izzie's room. She sat on the edge of the bed and pushed a crazed strand of hair away from Izzie's face.

"I would never wish this sort of thing on anybody. You don't deserve this. You have so much potential, Izzie. I know we aren't friends. I know we aren't much of anything. I'm here for you. If you just want to talk, not talk, blow a disgustingly large amount of money on shoes, or even bake. Okay, so I am a better cook than baker, but I can make a mean Crème Brule."

Addison squeezed Izzie's hand and walked out of the room.

**Meredith **was startled to collide into Addison. Addison's tired eyes bore into Meredith's.

"You lied to me. I trusted you and you lied to me."

Addison spun on her heel and marched on.

"I didn't lie to you," Meredith called out weakly. Addison froze. She knew those passing by have been waiting for a face off between her and Meredith.

Addison exhaled a breath she had been holding in

"Whatever, Meredith. I'll be releasing Izzie into your care when she's ready."

"**Cristina?"**

Cristina whipped around. She had been watching Dr. Shepherd perform a simple procedure of draining fluid.

George stood in the doorway. His eyes were searching hers for something or anything. Burke had shared with him that Cristina had been MIA since he was shot. It upset George how inconsiderate Cristina could be. Her boyfriend was shot. He may never operate again and here she was watching an operation.

"What are you doing here? Burke has been asking for you for the past hour."

"I, I know, but Shepherd is--"

"Is performing a procedure we have seen a hundred times. Cristina, Burke needs you. What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong with me. I have a job to do. I cannot be his girlfriend when I am working. Tell him I will see him after my shift," Cristina snapped and shoved past George.

George leaned against the door and closed his eyes. His world falling apart one friend at a time.

**Alex** paced outside of Izzie's room. He wanted to go in and check on her. He wanted to be there for her, but he was scared. Yes, Alex Karev was scared. The truth was he loved her. He was hopelessly in love with Isobel Stevens, but his demons held him back.

"You can go in, Karev," Bailey declared in passing. Alex's eyes grazed the moving doctor.

"No. I can't."

He turned and walked out the nearest door.

**"Something **is bothering you, Addison," Burke commented.

"I'm fine. What about you? Preston, your hand isn't steady. Have you told Derek?" Addison observed, rushing to grab Burke's hand. Preston squeezed her hand as tight as he could in reassurance.

"I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about you. What's wrong, Addi?" Burke pushed.

Addison rolled her eyes and continued to massage out Burke's hand.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I am here when you are ready to talk about it."

"I know, Prest."

Burke squeezed her hand again. His hand spasm-ed in hers.

**Cristina **watched Burke with Montgomery-Shepherd. She had no idea that they were friends. She envied the apparent closeness between Burke and She-Shepherd. She could tell there was no romantic interaction, it was the apparent understanding that bothered her. Cristina was afraid of that sort of understanding.

Cristina scolded herself for her behavior. If she didn't get her act together, she would loose the man she loved.

**Derek** looked at his watch. It was 6pm. He had, had a long grueling day avoiding Addison and Meredith. The world around him was collapsing. The good Dr. Shepherd needed a drink. Luckily, happy hour at Joe's was just beginning.


	5. The First Cut Is The Deepest

_**An: **so, its rough and has no song. I apologize, but I have been SWAMPED with school, work,etc. I promise once I have a better grasp of my new schedule, there will be more regular updates. Until then, hold tight! _

_Like I said, it is rather rough... but I know what I am doing..._

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**.5.**

**The First Cut is the Deepest**

**Meredith** watched Derek walk out of the hospital and across to Joes. She hated him. She was so upset with him for turning her into the dirty mistress. She tore her eyes away from his retreating figure and walked over the bridge. She needed to STOP all of it. Meredith slammed shut the chart in her hand. Izzie was about to be release. It was time she rearranged her priorities.

Meredith sighed and pushed her hair behind her ears. She could feel a pair of eyes on her.

Meredith looked up to see Addison Shepherd standing above her.

"I didn't lie," Meredith whispered to herself. Her pager vibrated. Izzie was ready.

**Addison** observed Meredith watching her husband. She was sick and tired of this twisted dance. Addison sighed and entered a vacant on call room. She kicked off her brand new Aldo pumps. She shrugged out of her lab coat and slumped on to the bed.

The attending on call room was much nicer than the normal on call rooms.

Addison threw her body back on the bed.

She laid there, staring up at the ceiling above her. She reached over to the chair she had left her coat in to grab her cell phone.

Addison tapped her nails against the keys.

On the screen was a draft of a text message. She wasn't sure if she should send it or not.

Addison exhaled a long held breath and sent it.

**Izzie **sat by the window, waiting patiently for Meredith. She was past denial and on to numbness. Izzie felt empty inside. She had finally found a man to spend her life with. A good man. Only for him to die. She wondered if she was being punished for something.

"Izzie?" she heard Meredith call from the doorway.

Meredith was taken aback by Izzie's mournful beauty. Her heart went out to her friend. It was then that she realize that Izzie's turmoil was far worse than her own. She had a man that had plans. Izzie had thrown all her plans away.

"Are you ready to go home?"

"I don't know."

Meredith stepped further into the room. She joined Izzie at the window seat and wrapped her arms around her. Izzie leaned back into the embrace and cried.

**"Give** me another one, Joe," Derek drunkenly demanded.

"You know, buddy, I believe you have had enough," Joe said, replacing Derek's bottle with a cup of coffee.

Derek narrowed his eyes at the man in front of him. "I saved your life, Joe!"

Around him, Derek could hear them all gossiping and staring at him.

"What are you looking at!" He snapped at a random nurse.

She tossed him a disgusted look.

Derek glared at everyone. "You know what, Joe, you can just go to hell. I am going to go to another bar."

"You aren't going anywhere," Joe said and yanked Derek back on to the stool.

**"What now?"** Addison growled intothe ringing phone. It was past midnight. She was exhausted and irritable.

"Montgomery- Shepherd."

"Hi, Dr. Shepherd. This is Joe from the bar. The other Dr. Shepherd is here and he is in bad shape. Can you--"

"Give me 10 minutes, Joe. I am still at the hospital."

"Thanks, Dr. S."

"Thank you, Joe. I am sure he is a mess."

Addison shoved her phone into her pocket. Adele had been right.

**After **much argument in the bar, the parking lot, and the car, the Drs. Shepherd had finally made it home. And Addison Shepherd was about to burst. Derek had rambled all the way home.

"This is all your fault," Derek spat at her. "If you had never screwed my best friend I would have never met Meredith. If you hadn't show up I'd be happy!"

"No, Derek. The only person at fault it you. Why don't you grow up and get a clue. You've always been a terrible drunk."

"Whatever," Derek mumbled. He tripped on the step of the trailer. Addison reached out to help him. He shoved her away.

"Don't touch me! I hate it when you touch me. Every time you touch me, I see him touching you."

Addison rolled her eyes. Her patience was wearing thin. There was only so much she could take.

"Damn it, Derek. I thought we were past this."

"We aren't past it! We will never be past it!"

"Fine! Then lets talk about it! Lets have it out, right here. Right now! Apparently the only way you'll talk about it is if you're drunk. So, come on. What do you want to know? What do you want to hear? Want to know about the sex? How it started? What!" Addison hissed. "Do you want me to tell you how Mark wasn't a fling? How he wasn't just an affair? Mark wasn't a fling. He wasn't an affair. We loved each other. He loves me. He is in love with me. He flew out here to tell me that. He offered me the whole world and I told him no! Mark was _my_ Meredith Grey!"

Addison's hand flew to her cheek. Derek had slapped her at the words "Meredith Grey."

"Don't you ever compare Mark to Meredith."

Derek leaned over the edge of the trailer and threw up.

That night, Derek slept in a sleeping bag outside the trailer. Addison had locked him out.

Derek's downfall had officially begun.


	6. Its One of Those Days

completely raw... Sarah, Rissa .. I heart you!

* * *

**.6.**

**Its One Of Those Days**

**Addison** closed the medicine cabinet and cringed at the sight in front  
of her. A slight bruise was forming over her cheek. Derek was going to  
pay for that. With a towel in one hand, Addison stormed from the  
bathroom to the front to the trailer.  
She could hear Derek snoring out on the porch. With flourish all of her  
own, Addison swung the door open, knocking Derek in the back.

"What the-! Addison!" Derek shouted. Pain seared up his back.  
Addison looked at him with an overflow of satisfaction.  
"Get dressed. I have to be in by 8."  
"My head," Derek complained. He rolled on to his side and pushed  
himself up. It had to be at least 6:30 in the morning. A need to vomit  
slammed against him. Derek jumped up and rushed into the bathroom.  
Addison rolled her eyes and continued to get ready while Derek threw  
up. She moved into the kitchen to cook up a tar like hang over cure.  
Addison pushed open the door of the bathroom. Derek was kneeling in  
front of the toilet.  
"What happened to your face?" Derek asked alarmed. He held no memory  
of the previous night.  
"You hit me, Derek."  
Derek looked at her horrified. "I would never--." A blurry flashback  
entered his mind.  
_  
"Mark wasn't a fling. He wasn't an affair. We loved each other. He  
loves me. He is in love with me. He flew out here to tell me that. He  
offered me the whole world and I told him no! Mark was my Meredith  
Grey!"  
In an outer body experience, Derek watched himself slap Addison across  
the face. Addison had stepped away from him, stunned. She looked like  
she was about to cry. Derek stumbled over the porch in a drunken  
conversation with himself.  
"Mark is no way like Meredith! Don't ever compare what you had with  
Mark to what I have with Meredith! I love her!"  
Addison held on to her face and hurried into the trailer locking Derek  
out.  
Derek didn't seem to mind. He simply curled up in a chair on the porch  
and rambled on._

Derek felt another bout of nausea coming on. He gripped the toilet  
tighter and hurled.  
Addison set the hang over drink on the counter top and walked out.  
"Be ready to go in 20 minutes."

**Cristina** woke up in her overly large bed. She rolled on to Burke's side  
and cuddled into his pillow. She pondered if she should take it to him.  
The alarm next to her began to blare. She would have to be at the  
hospital early. She was taking a long lunch to pick up the Burke family  
from the airport. She was dreading it. Cristina dragged herself from  
bed and to the shower.  
All though it was difficult for her to admit, she missed Burke's anal  
ways around the apartment. She would have to clean before she left. She  
was sure he would have a heart attack if his glasses were out of place. Or worse, there was a towel on the floor.

Cristina smirked to herself and tossed a towel on the floor. She'd pick it up later.

**Derek **kept casting glances at Addison as she drove to the hospital. She hadn't said anything to him all morning. He was amazed at the amount of make up Addison used to cover her bruise. _Her bruise_. The bruise HE gave her.

"Addi-."

"Don't," She snipped.

Derek looked down at his hands. "I'm sorry. I would nev--."

"You said you would never do many things. I don't want to talk about it, Derek. I want to get to the hospital, perform my surgeries and look for a new place to live."

"A new place? Addi-."

"Derek, I don't even want to look at you right now. I am looking for a new place."

Derek's gaze returned to his hands. He was so disgusted with himself.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

**Meredith** pulled herself out of Izzie's bed and looked down at her friend. Izzie had spent the entire night sobbing. Meredith reached down and pulled the covers around her sleeping roommate.

"You're going to be okay, Izzie," she whispered. Meredith tip toed from the room. She smiled at George as they passed in the doorway to the bathroom.

"How is she?"

"She's sleeping. She cried her eyes out, but Izzie's strong. She'll be okay."

George nodded and went into his room.

Meredith sighed and closed the bathroom door. She stepped in front of the sink and looked in the mirror.

To say she looked like hell, would be an understatement. She pondered what happened to her brush. With a toothbrush in one hand, she turned on the shower and proceeded to get ready for her day.

Meredith emerged from her bedroom forty- five minutes later. After a well deserved 20 minute shower, Meredith took the time to put more effort into her appearance. She had brushed her hair to fall in soft waves around her face. She had even put on a bit of make up. Hey, she might as well looked presentable if she had a 16 hour day ahead of her.

As she walked down the hall, she peaked in on Izzie again.

The exhausted women slept soundly away.

She expected to find George in the kitchen. Instead, she found Finn, with an apron on his hips and a smile on his face.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm making you breakfast and you ask what am I doing here?" Finn teased.

Meredith sauntered over and placed a gentle kiss on Finn's smirking lips.

"Making me breakfast, eh?"

"Well, you, Izzie, and George. George stepped outside to get the muffins I left in the truck."

"Muffins? You bought me muffins?"

"I baked you muffins."

"Are you gay?"

Finn let out a hearty laughed. "I had to do something when you were out saving human lives."

"Hey, Mer! I like him better than tattooed ass guy. These muffins are really good," George called out. He walked in the kitchen with peach muffin in his mouth.

"Those were for Izzie," Finn commented.

"My bad," George replied. He continued to happily munch on the muffin.

"Tattooed Ass guy?" Finn added seconds later.

Meredith looked at him with a weird quirk on her lips. "It was before the knitting. Don't ask. Dark, dark place."

"You know I have a tattoo…."

**Addison** moved swiftly in front of Derek. Her head was held high. Her manolo pumps tapped loudly against the linoleum.

Derek followed her into the elevator. They stood in silence.

"I am off at 7. If you are not, take a cab. I will be staying in town tonight."

With that said, Addison walked off the elevator and away from Derek.


	7. Calling All Angles

**_Kendel and Kayli are the loves of my life... happy kendy?_**

**_once again, no editing, nada. sorry.not really, but whatever._**

**_review please_**

**_

* * *

_**

.7.

**_Calling All Angels_**

**Izzie** woke up to sounds of laughter from the kitchen. Laughter made her bitter. Why did Meredith and George get to laugh when all she wanted to do was scream? She pulled the covers over her head and brooded.

However, someone else had other plans.

Meredith nudged Finn up the stairs. He knew the hell Izzie was living. He also knew how to make orgasm inducing muffins.

"Izzie?" Meredith said, peeking her head into the door. "Iz, Finn is going to hang out for a little while. George and I are leaving. He cooked us breakfast. You really need to try his muffins."

"Go away," Izzie muttered. She tried to ignore the delicious smell from above her. She peeked her head out to find Finn holding a yummy looking muffin. Her hand shot up to pull the muffin into her cocoon of blankets.

"You may leave."

Meredith wanted to protest. Finn shook his head and signaled for Mer to go.

"I'll watch Izzie," he mouthed. Meredith smiled and kissed him quickly on the lips. She grinned as she walked out the door. It almost felt so right to kiss Finn goodbye.. As if it was a routine.

Finn took a seat on the floor against the door. He looked at his watch. He had sometime till he had to open up the office.

His heart went out to Izzie. He was no stranger to the loss of someone he loved. Liz had been his soul mate. He had never and would never know a love like that. Although, he did not dismiss of finding a great love again. He knew the sort of darkness a tragedy such as losing Denny brought along. He was lucky enough to have had people to understand the pain of losing your other half.. Which was why Finn Dandridge was sitting on the floor of his girlfriend's roommates bedroom with a plate of muffins in his lap.

"You're still there, aren't you?" Izzie asked.

"Yup."

"These muffins are really good."

"Thank you, it was my wife's recipe."

"Wife?"

"She died two years ago."

"So then you know?"

"Yes, I know."

"Will it ever get better?"

"You never stop loving them or missing them, but there is a change yes."

"I really love him."

Izzie reached out for another muffin.

"How are your blueberry muffins?"

**The **rumor mill at Seattle Grace was abuzz with talk of the Shepherds. Many of the hospital big mouths had witnessed Derek's drunken behavior the night before. However, it was the amount of make up on Addison Shepherd's face that caused the most stir.

Alex Karev was no stranger to the signs of abuse. He had seen his mother apply make up on a new bruise almost daily. He would have never thought Derek to be a violent drunk until he saw Addison checking in the mirror. This took him back.

"Dr. Shepherd?"

Addison snapped her compact shut and turned to her intern.

"Yes?"

"It helps to put green cover up than the neutral before your concealer and foundation," he replied and walked off to prep a patient for surgery.

Addison watched him go in horror.

"Thank you, Dr. Karev," she whispered. Addison reopened her compact. Was the bruise that bad?

**Derek **did his best to ignore all those around him. He only spoke to people when it was necessary. He could feel their eyes burning him with their gazes and questions.

He could not stand to look at himself. He had hit Addison. He had degraded her. Derek had never hit a woman before. His parents did not raise him to act in such a way. He came from a close knit, respectable Irish family. Memories of last night tormented him.

He could not fathom himself being a violent drunk. Derek had once been a carefree drunk. He was the fun one! Had his deep rooted issues with Addison and Meredith sent him into that dark of a place?

He didn't know. He swore to himself he wouldn't drink again. That was until he saw Meredith, standing in a corner with a phone to her ear giggling. He suddenly wanted to feel the taste of tequila down his throat. The burn had been his comfort. One drink would be okay..

NO. Derek shook himself of such thoughts and disappeared around a corner. He was not going to do it again.

**"Derek hit Addison?** You have got to be kidding me!" Meredith gasped. The interns minus one were sitting around their table discussing the gossip of the day. "Derek wouldn't hit a woman.

"Look, I know what I saw. She-Shepherd has a shiner beneath all that make up," Alex said.

"There has to be some other explanation!" Meredith cried.

Cristina shrugged. "Mer, he was smashed pretty badly last night. I heard Debbie telling Tyler that he threw a fit when Joe cut him off."

Meredith shook her head there was no way… Meredith eyes shot to Addison as the tall red head walked out to the patio with Miranda Bailey by her side.

"I don't want to eat anymore," she whisper. Meredith could spot a bruise anywhere. It wasn't so long ago that she had been slapped around by a drunken boyfriend.

"I think I am going to be sick."


	8. I Did Not See That Coming

Finally. I know! love me.

**

* * *

**

**.8.**

**I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING**

_You never know what you're gonna get_

_There are some days where nothing makes sense_

_You don't always see whats coming your way_

_Life's one big ironic mystery_

_I didn't see that coming_

_No, No_

_Blown away_

_I think I'm okay._

_No!_

_I did not see that coming._

* * *

**Miranda Bailey **scanned the room. She could feel every pair of eyes centered on her table. To be more specific, every pair of eyes were on her lunch companion, Addison Shepherd. 

Miranda knew why they were looking. She saw the tattle tale signs of a bruise under Addison's eye.

"Addison, is there something you would like to talk about?"

Addison looked up from the salad she was happily eating.

"Its nothing, Miranda."

"Addison, you have a bruise on your face. From what I hear from the nurses your husband put up one hell of a scene at Joe's last night. Are you sure you are all right?"

Addison sighed and pushed her delicious salad to the side.

"Yes, Derek was drunk. Yes, he was throwing a scene. I was helping him into bed when he moved his hand and hit me. It was an accident," Addison half truth-ed.

Miranda looked at her hard. Something told her that Addison was holding something back.

"Derek is not an abusive man."

"He hit Mark Sloan."

"I've hit Mark Sloan."

**Izzie** muttered complaints as Finn dragged her up a path. She suddenly disliked Meredith's new boyfriend. She would have to discuss the dumping of said boyfriend with Meredith at the earliest convenience. If Finn had not taken her cell phone away, Izzie would have fired off a text message after being placed into Finn's truck. Tattoo assed guy was officially Izzie's favorite in EVERY way. Tattooed ass guy would have simply provided yummy coffee and disappeared. Where WAS tattooed ass guy, anyway?

Izzie pondered all this as Finn led her into the middle of a clearing.

"Where are we?" Izzie asked. Finn had brought her to the end of a cliff over looking what she assumed was the Pacific Ocean. It was beautiful.

"Welcome to my infinite abyss, Izzie Stevens," Finn announced.

"Infinite Abyss?" Izzie repeated.

"Yeah, didn't you ever see Garden State? That one guy led Large and Sam to Albert who was guarding this quarry. At the climax of the entire movie, the three of them stood over Albert's Abyss and screamed. It was great! One of the best movies I have ever seen," Finn explained.

Izzie continued to look at him like he was nuts. Finn rolled his eyes and grabbed Izzie's hands. He led her to the edge of the cliff.

"Scream."

"Excuse me?" It was official. Izzie was going to make sure Meredith dumped this nut job ASAP.

"When my wife died, I didn't know what to do with myself. At her funeral I fell completely apart. Not far from here is the cemetery she is buried. Its about a mile that way. She loved the ocean. Anyway, the day we selected a burial plot for her I lost it and ran. I found myself here, standing at the edge wanting to jump into the water. I was physically experiencing my internal war. Instead of jumping, I screamed. I went crazy. I shouted out to God and whoever else would listen. I used this spot at my own infinite abyss."

Somewhere amongst the fog of her grief, Izzie caught on. She moved closer to the edge and let out a heart wrenching scream.

"That felt really good," she whispered. Finn smiled. With a new friend by her side, Izzie let out everything she was holding back.

**Meredith **hung up her cell phone and looked at it perplexed. Where was Izzie and Finn?

She slid the phone back into her coat and walked out of the stairwell. She did not expect to collide into Derek.

"Oh! Sorry!" Meredith gasped out. Derek was holding on to his face. His charts laid about the floor.

"Son of a bitch," Derek cursed.

"Are you okay?"

"I think its broken," he mumbled. Meredith pulled his hands away from his nose to examine it.

"Come on lets get you checked out," Meredith said, pulling Derek down the hall into an empty exam room. Derek didn't say anything.

"Let me take a look at it," Meredith instructed, clearing away the blood.

"OWE!" Derek howled as she touched his nose.

Meredith grimaced slightly. "We need to get you into x-ray. I'll grab a nurse to take you down," she said and walked out of the room.

Meredith was greeted by Callie in the hallway. Callie looked at her in disbelief.

"No! I just broke his nose. Can you take a look at it?" Meredith responded fast.

Callie looked at Meredith, then into the room. Blood was dripping down Derek's face. Bruises were beginning to form around his eyes. Callie was pleased.

"You know, Mer, I think one day I could actually like you."

"**Meredith **broke your nose?" Addison asked Derek in total disbelief. The Shepherds were standing across from one another awaiting Dr. Torres to return to fix Derek's nose. Olivia had interrupted Addison and Miranda's lunch to bring Addison to Derek's exam room. Addison had to stifle back a giggle. She felt an unnamed satisfaction upon hearing that Meredith Grey had broken her husband's nose. Served him right.

"You're loving this aren't you?"

"I would love it more if I had seen it. Tell me, Derek, was it rather Marcia Brady-ish or did you just walk into the door."

"Hahaha," Derek snipped back.

Addison smiled at him sweetly.

"Hello Dr. Shepherds. All right, your nose is broken here, and fractured here. Obviously, Dr. Grey and her door packed more punch than one would believe. I can move the fracture into place but it is extremely painful and maximum bruising."

"Perfect!" Addison quipped. Addison and Callie shared a smirk.

Derek laid back on the table miserably. "Just do it!"

" **You **broke Shepherd's nose?" Cristina inquired as she sat in traffic on the way to the airport to retrieve the Burke family.

"It was an accident!" Meredith replied. Cristina chuckled to herself. Oh the situations Meredith placed herself in.

"It isn't funny! Okay, maybe it is. Oh, he looked so pathetic," Meredith giggled.

"I would have loved to have seen in. I wonder if anyone has told Burke. He would get a real kick out of it. I'll tell him when I get back," Cristina replied.

"Where are you anyway?" Meredith inquired.

"Picking up his family. Hey, Mer, I got to go. Stay away from doors for now."

"Bye."

Cristina hung up her cell phone and tossed it into the passenger seat of Burke's range rover. She quickly maneuvered her way to the front door of Delta Airlines. The time had finally come. Cristina was meeting the Burkes and her Burke was not available for mediation. With her emergency flashers on, Cristina hopped from the car and hurried through the doors.

The Burke family were not hard to miss. Amongst the trio was a tall man who bared a striking resemblance to her boyfriend. But it was not the sight of Burke's mother and brother that made her freeze. No, it was the young woman with them that made her heart stop. A young woman that Cristina remembered very well.

"Leila?"

Leila Williamson stared at the Asian woman in front of her.

"Cristina?"

"**Burke** is no longer the only Burke I've slept with," Cristina hissed into Meredith's ear a half hour later. The two woman were standing outside of Burke's hospital room, observing the interaction between the Burkes.

"You slept with brother?" Meredith gaped, her eyes darting to Evan Burke.

"Worse. I slept with his cousin."

Meredith's eyes widened. "But- but- but!"

**"Mother, **I'd like to properly introduce you to my girlfriend, Cristina Yang and her best friend, Meredith Grey. Cris, this is my mother Katherine Williamson -Burke, my brother Evan and my cousin, Leila Williamson."

"Oh my god," Meredith whispered, right before she fell to the ground in a dead faint.

* * *

I love how stories take lives of their own. LOVE THEM! 


	9. Untitled

_Alex has been standing on that damn porch for three weeks! Now, he is inside with Izzie. Awwww.. You know, that Asshat has started to grow on me. I think I may start to love Alex and Meredith. I know. I know! But I have this McDreamy theory that doesnt make Meredith so bad. Anway, look out for the next chapter soon.._

* * *

**.9.**

**Untitled**

_I don't know what say_

_Sometimes I wonder how I make it through the day_

_Life falls in many shades of gray._

_There's no explanation._

_No words._

_No thoughts._

_Just songs without titles, called untitled._

**  
**

**Meredith **sat across from Cristina. She could not believe that the woman Cristina had joked about experimenting with in college was Leila Williamson, favorite cousin of Preston Burke, Cristina's boyfriend.

When all the information had clicked in Meredith's head, it was too much for the sleep deprived surgeon. She passed out. She had not been out for long. Maybe a minute or three.

Upon coming to, Cris had pulled her into the adjoining hospital room, where they now sat.

"Explain," Meredith demanded.

Cristina sighed and pushed back her hair. "It was college. I was drunk for most of it. You know how it is. You get wild. You get crazy. You experiment."

"With drugs, Cristina. Not your sexuality," Meredith hissed.

Cristina shrugged. "There was e involved, somewhere.."

Meredith looked at her in disbelief.

"What the hell does that have to do with you being involved with Burke's cousin?"

"Leila and I were suit mates at Smith. We were both chemistry majors. There was a party and a game of I never. We hooked up," Cristina replied casually. "It was a long time ago."

The conversation was interrupted by the appearance of Leila in the door way. She looked at Cristina hesitantly.

"Is everything okay in here?" she asked.

"Fine," Meredith replied, her face scrunched in her lie.

"You told her?" Leila inquired.

"Yes. I told her. She can know, your cousin, he can't know. He cannot ever know," Cristina responded.

"You looked good, Cris," Leila commented after an awkward moment.

"You too, Lei."

"Oh this week just gets more interesting by the minute."

**Alex** paced outside the front door of the Grey-Stevens- O'Malley house hold. He raised his hand to knock on the door when it was pulled back. Alex was surprised to see Finn standing in the doorway with a bag across his shoulder.

"Hello."

"Hello. Can I help you?"

Alex looked at Finn awkwardly.

"You're Alex. If you're looking for Iz, she's on the phone in the kitchen. She's in a baking fix, so if she shoves a muffin at you, eat it," Finn explained.

"Thanks man," Alex replied and side stepped Finn into the nice.

Finn watched Alex walk down the hall. He shook his head and closed the door.

**Izzie **had been in the middle of her 3rd batch of raspberry and blueberry muffins when the phone rang. Denny had been dead only two days. She was coping the best that she could. She wasn't exactly prepared to hear a voice so similar to his.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is Izzie Steven's available?"

Izzie froze at the sound of the voice. "This is she," she replied softly.

"Izzie, this is Daniel Duquette."

"Daniel Duquette?"

"Danny, actually. Denny told me a lot about you."

"Oh god," Izzie gasped. She felt a pain of nausea wash over her.

"I think this may not be the best time for this conversation, but me and my sister are flying down from Oregon. We'd appreciate if you could meet us. We'd like to properly meet our sister in law."

"Sure, when?" Izzie managed to get out.

"Our flight will be in about an hour. Tomorrow morning we're heading to his apartment. We'd love it if you could meet us there."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"It was nice talking to you, Izzie. We look forward to meeting you."

"You too, Daniel."

"Oh and Izzie."

"Hmm?"

"He really loved you."

Izzie hung up the phone and leaned over the sink. She stuck her head in the sink and proceeded to dry heave as tears began to fall from her eyes.

She was startled when a hand was placed on her back and her hair pulled away from her face. She barely glanced at Alex, before re-submerging herself into her guilt.

**Derek **sat across from Addison as they ate dinner in peace. She had picked up some take out on their way home. Too bad for Derek it was Charo- Chicken. Derek hated Charo Chicken. Addison loved it.

"I'm sorry, Addi."

Addison didn't respond. She continued to tear at her chicken and flip through a magazine.

"Its been a bad week. I didn't mean to hit you. You know I would never-."

Addison picked up her plate and magazine and walked out the door. She was still to furious to acknowledge his existence.

Derek looked from his cold plate of chicken to the bottle of wine on the counter.

One glass wouldn't hurt, he rationalized.

Addison watched from the window as Derek stood up and poured himself a glass of wine.

She leaned back in her chair and took out her phone.

"Hey, it's me. Can you talk?"

* * *


	10. We Do What We Have to Do

_Normally, I spell check and do all that good stuff. Well, there was a spell check, but I've only scanned the chapter. Bad English Major! Bad!__ However, I've had a recent surge of inspiration._

_I don't want to talk about the episode. I really feel like there was an injustice to the Addison and Derek relationship. I get the obsession with Merder. I get it. I know it would always go back to Merder. I just did not expect it so soon. I had hoped for more history. I had hoped for a better understanding. Life is not black and white. It's Gray. _

_But looking back on the episode, Callie was right. This show is high school. They all are 17 years old. So in that world it is Black and White. None the less, I am very unsatisfied. I hope that the show will pick up, but right now I choose to ignore that season 3 and live with mine. Derek isnt Mc Dreamy. Derek never was nor will he ever be._

_With all that said, Happy Birthday Kayli!  
_

* * *

**.10.**

**We Do What We Have To Do**

_Take a drink of wine._

_Take a shot of tequila._

_Take another bite,_

_You know it will kill ya._

_We do what we have to do to survive._

_It's just a meaningless kiss._

_A passionate affair._

_It means nothing when his fingers are tangle in your hair._

_We do what we have to do, to dull the pain inside._

_Forget the consequences, we all die in time._

**Izzie **sat in her car in front of Denny's apartment building. In her hand, she held the keys. Nervously, she moved them in her hand. She was to meet Daniel and Koryn at 9. It was 735am. She hadn't been able to sleep the night before. Izzie had tossed and turned the entire night. At 5am, she had dragged herself from bed to go running. It didn't help.

"You can do this," she muttered to herself. In a surge of courage, Izzie rushed from her car and into the building, waving at the doorman as she passed by.

She hurled herself into an elevator, startling the old woman inside it.

"In a rush, dear?" she asked sweetly.

Izzie smiled at her embarrassed. "Something like that."

"Off to see a boyfriend?"

Izzie didn't know how to answer.

"You're Denny's Isobel, aren't you?"

Izzie was startled by the woman's declaration.

"I'm his neighbor, Felicity Helgcroft. He told me about the beautiful doctor determined to find him a heart. I'm so sorry to hear about his--."

"Thank you," Izzie interrupted.

Felicity looked at the young woman sympathetically. She place a small hand on Izzie's shoulder.

"He was a good man. Kindest neighbor I have ever had."

She smiled at Izzie as the door opened on Denny's floor. Izzie closed her eyes and the woman was gone. With a deep breath in her lungs, Izzie stepped on to Denny's floor. Now she just had to make it into the apartment.

"**You **know what I could really get used to this," Meredith comment as she took a cup of coffee from Finn. "That scares me."

"I could too," he responded and pecked her on the cheek.

"Hey! Me three," George joked, breezing into the kitchen. He pecked Finn on the cheek as well and picked up the filled travel mug.

"Seriously, I love you, man. Tattooed ass guy gots nothing on you!" George called out as he made his way to the back door.

"That guy is insane," Finn commented as George closed the door.

"Yeah, but we love him."

**Cristina** stood next to Burke's bed with a cup of coffee and a bakery bag in hand. She tilted her head to the side and watched him sleep. She had never seen Burke sleep past 530am. So, him asleep at 730am was an unnatural sight.

In a very un- Cristina like fashion, she kissed him on the forehead and set her belongings down.

She picked up his chart. Apparently someone had just administered a sedative. It would be a late morning for him.

"Cris?" Leila said from the door way.

"Oh hey, Leila."

"How is he?"

"He'll be out for a while," Cristina answered, not quite meetings Leila's eyes.

"So, you and Prest.."

"Yeah."

"How did that happen?"

"He bought me coffee."

"Always was an easy one for coffee."

**Addison **took a drink of her coffee before beginning the processes of straightening her hair. As she ran the straightened over the top layer of her hair, she paused. Addison set the iron down and pulled the top layer back with a clip. She changed her mind. She was going to go for a different look, entirely.

Addison packed her coffee to go and walked out the door without a single glance to her husband sitting on their bed.

"Hey Addi, where are you--" Derek's question was cut off by the slamming of the trailer door.

Addison got in her car and smirked at the trailer. Yes, today was going to be a good day.

"Richard, I need a personal day. Have Mira reschedule all appointments. Tell them I'll be in surgery all day or something. I need a day," she explained as she dug around her purse in search of her wallet. Addison tossed her cell phone from the side and pulled a platinum card from her wallet. The name Derek A. Shepherd gleamed in the faint sunlight.

Derek was going to pay.

**Derek **moved off the bed and watched as Addison chatted on the phone before pulling away from the trailer. He could not believe how fast everything had managed to come a part. He rubbed his face with his hand and moved into the kitchen. The clock on the stove reminded him that he had a long day ahead of him.

Derek reached up into the cabinet for his travel mug. He glanced over at a bottle of coffee liquor. He yanked his mug down and slammed the cabinet. He was not going to start his day with a drink. All he needed was coffee and a bagel.

**Addison **practically skipped into Saks 5th Avenue. Retail therapy was amongst her favorite sort of therapy. Right up there with massage therapy. She made a mental note to find a spa. Yes, Derek was going to give her a day of beauty and shopping and he didn't even know it.

Addison noticed the sign of a spa next to the main Saks entrance. She raised a brow, her mind pondering the idea. Shopping first or spa? Spa!

"Hello, my name is Addison Shepherd. I'd like to make an appointment. And trust me money is no object. It will all be on my husbands card."

The woman behind the desk looked at Addison curiously.

"He cheated on me."

The woman who would later introduce herself as Lindy perked up. "Well, we have the most amazing body wraps. And Gaston would be honored to touch that gorgeous mane of yours…"

"I want it all!" Addison responded and allowed the woman to guide her into the back of the spa.

* * *

_Please review, another chapter will be out soon! _


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